“MY HUSBAND IS GREEK, so I got married in Greece, in a small town south of Athens called Olympia. Because I planned the menus for so many American weddings, I wanted mine to be different. – really traditional Greek food. The wedding took place outside, right by the ocean, and all the guest could see the dinner being prepared; it was truly a feast for the eyes and the palate. It was a very sensuous food experience.”
EVEN this day of sophisticated dining, it is remarkable how many people declare that their wedding meal isn’t a priority. Poached salmon or fillet mignon with haricots verts have been standard fare for so long that some brides don’t realize that a run-of-the-mill menu is one wedding tradition they can do without. Indeed food and drink are the traditional foundation of any celebration, and a particularlyly relieving measures, and a particularly a revealing measure of style and hospitality. The right choice can underscore a team, establish the party’s tone, add regular flair and enhance cultural and ethnic traditions. And as at Carla Ruben Avramopoulos’s wedding the food may even contribute to the sensuousness and emotion of the occasion.
Paula Le Duc specialty- a gold leafed eggshell filled with lobster salad and beluga caviar and a silver-leafed eggshell with cucumber salad, topped with sevuga caviar - appears at right.
Of course, ask ten different caterers what makes for great wedding fare and you will receive ten different answers. “Pasta at weddings is a thing of the past,” proclaims Rita Bloom, a wedding planner in Washington, D.C. Yet Carla Avramopoulos, a chef and professional event planner herself, counters that pasta (homemade, of course) is one of her most popular appetizers. Abigail Kirsch, who creates menus for weddings at such smart New York locations as the Pratt Mansion, the New York Botanical Garden and the Tappan Hill estate in Westchester, considers cheese an important part of the cocktail hour (she serves it as a Boursin tart). But Rita Bloom flatly disagrees: “Why serve cheese in lieu of interesting food?” she asks. In truth, there is no right answer. Not only have nationally celebrated chefs and a new crop of cutting-edge caterers transformed wedding food into a culinary art, but they have opened minds to the possibilities of incredibly innovative and varied menus. As good wedding food becomes truly fashionable – and not a minute too soon – the cuisine naturally reflects an educated palate ranging from fish entrees such as red snapper and Chilean sea bass to distinctive flavorings like lemongrass and cilantro. Classics – caviar and smoke salmon – will always have a place. But you may also want to follow a hot culinary trend, like the current “grandmother nouvelle” cuisine, featuring signature comfort foods like mashed potatoes – served with an elegant veil tenderloin, perhaps. Ethnic dishes are another option. Consider, for example, the fashion for Pan Asian cuisine that is making the sushi, dumplings and spring roll so popular for hors d’oeuvres these days. Then too, the availability of the highest-quality fruits and vegetables year-round enables chefs to create summer dishes in winter and vice versa.
So, all things considered, there is simply no reason for pedestrian wedding food. The key to making the meal memorable and delectable is to imagine your wedding reception as a larger version of a party you would host in your own home. The simplest and best approach is to decide on a menu that you would like to serve – and eat.
According to Laurie Arons, San Francisco wedding planner that “Food is so important in our culture. To share that as an integral part of your wedding celebration is a really special thing.”
Planning the Menu
A menu planned by San Francisco caterer Paula De Luc was handwritten and set before each place setting at the wedding of Summer Tompkins and Brooks Walker III.
START EARLY. Whether you are booking a club, restaurant, hotel or caterer, do so at least 10 months in advance and immediately hold preliminary discussions regarding food and alcohol, the type of service, the number of courses and the pacing of the meal, dancing and entertainment. Make sure all your wishes are known and can be accommodated at the outset so there are no disappointments later. As for any party, the size of the guest list will help determine the menu. A responsible restaurateur or caterer won’t take on a complicated meal for a big wedding because preparing large quantities of a certain foods can compromise their quality.
Any chef or restaurateur worth his or her salt should also learn about your personal preferences. When a couple comes in for a tasting at the Bel-Air Hotel in Los Angeles, for example, the staff serves them the standard catering menu and then customizes the meal according to the bride and groom’s reactions. Most hotels won’t create an entirely new menu, however. People who choose to marry at a location like Bel-Air tend to do so for the acknowledged elegance and quality of the setting and cuisine, and they usually are ready to accept most of what the chef plans to serve. If you want more independence, you should probably hire a caterer, location permitting. Even if they are known for their own signature dishes, good caterers are willing to customize their menu to a particular bride and groom’s tastes and will ask about their preference.
One excellent approach to menu planning is to decide on the entree first and build the rest meal around it. The goal is to avoid repetition. If a light fish is the entree, a heartier appetizer, like an onion tart, strikes a good balance. Then be sure to have plenty of beef, vegetables and chicken hors d’oeuvres to complement the fish. Many caterers and hotel and restaurant chefs offer two choices for entrees. An alternative is a split entree, known as a duet, which might include two small medallions of boneless chicken, with spinach and pine nuts, accompanied by a piece of fish.
lemonade served on silver traysis a refreshing, and delightfully unexpected beverage.
The time of day your wedding meal takes place also affects the menu. A wedding brunch or luncheon might call for smoked or poached fish, light salads and beverages such as mimosas, or, depending upon the season, flavored lemonades. Typically less formal than a dinner reception, these affairs also accommodate the more casual presentation of a buffet as opposed to table service; guests tend to expect heavier fare when they are being served at a sit-down meal. The caterer Debra Ponzek, a former chef at New York’s Montrachet restaurant once planned a luncheon for an outdoor spring wedding that included arctic char accompanied by potato and corn salads. Everything was light and absolutely fresh, with no heavy garnishes. It was, recalls the bride, who rode down the aisle on a horse, the kind of picnic lunch you would never be able to make yourself – and that was just the point.
Unusual wedding feasts notwithstanding, a formal sit-down following an evening ceremony remains the most traditional and popular type of reception. The meal should be memorable, and engaging right from the start. Carla Avramopoulos prefers to begin a classic wedding dinner with an attractive and interesting dish, such as her signature terrine of leeks, Portobello mushrooms and tomatoes, designed as a mosaic and topped with a white truffle vinaigrette and toasted black mustard seeds. ”Starting with a salad is a fizzle,” she says. You can make it really pretty, but at the end of the day, it’s still a salad.” The entree should be something homey and traditional such as duck, fish or steak, prepared simply, but in a good-sized portion, with an equally simple starch and vegetable. Avramopoulos says the meal should end with a fabulous dessert that complements the wedding cake. Other chefs recommend light treats, with sorbets and fruits, because wedding cake are now so delicious that people actually eat them.
And no matter what the menu comprises, wines and champagne are essential. When it comes to alcohol, don’t leave anything out; a full bar should be open during cocktails, throughout the meal and after the cake cutting. Make sure the wines complement the meal well, but have both red and white wine on hand because many people have a strong preference regardless of the food. Offering a wine produced the year the couple met or were born is a nice touch.
Looks Matter
"if you serve something innovative, your guests will feel that they're experiencing something new, right alongside the bride and groom." - Paula Le Duc, San Francisco caterer
BEAUTIFUL PRESENTATION is part and parcel of the wedding meal. Your guest come expecting something and will appreciate food that is pretty and a little outside the norm. Presentation also works with the flowers and the table settings to set the tone. Guests may not be impressed by fruit slices passed on a platter, but they will the meal if the fruit appears in the fabulous topiary tree that makes weddings catered by Atlanta’s Proof of the Pudding so special. Presenting food with flair might mean serving crudites in boxes crafted of wheat grass or setting off Asian hors d’oeuvres on a black lacquer tray. At one wedding dinner featuring an all-Asian menu. Paula Le Duc covered a serving table with moss and set out tiny steamer baskets containing sushi, a dollop of wasabi on a leaf and a little pickled ginger. The guests, who could walk up and take away their own individual basket, were utterly charmed. The same San Francisco caterer has been known to present caviar in hollowed ice blocks. She keeps crab-meat cocktails, served in beer steins, cooling in ice buckets until the guests are ready to pick them up; the cocktail sauce goes in the bottom of the glass; the fresh crab is laid on it, and chives top it off.
Making sure food is served at the right temperatures is an important part of the presentation. Fortunately, improved technology makes it possible to keep almost any type of food appropriately hot or cold on a buffet table. And there are always creative solutions. Some caterers no longer use the traditional covered chafing dish to keep food hot because the interior gets too steamy. Le Duc is known for ingenious and attractive alternatives, like the heated marble slab she designed to keep such specialties as her quesadillas piping hot while looking pretty and appetizing.
The Spirit of the Party
THERE’S SO MUCH MORE to the wedding meal than the menu. The timing of the courses, the length of the meal, and the pacing of the dancing and the toasts are equally important to consider. Pacing is so critical that you will need to plan exactly how you want your wedding meal to be served. Every hotel, restaurant or catering company offers its own methods and suggestions, but a knowledgeable staff will be flexible about the timing and presentation of the hors d’oeuvres and meal because they know these considerations are critical to the spirit of the party.
The traditional dinner wedding consists of a cocktail hour, followed by a meal of at least three courses: appetizer, entree, and dessert/wedding cake. Brides who want their dinner reception to last find that minimum of four courses, adding a salad after the appetizer, is a good idea. Extremely formal weddings tend to have a fifth course consisting of a palate-freshening sorbet served between the salad and entree. However, many brides are opting for the simple – but no less delicious – three course meal because extra courses drag out the time at table may make the meal seem pretentious. The main question is how long you want your guests sitting at the table. Is dining the key to your wedding or partying?
Carla Avramopoulos believes both are. She recommends ushering the guests from cocktail in to dinner, inviting them to have one dance, then serving the appetizer and entree. Dessert comes after a second round of dancing and the toasts. In this way, the guests can enjoy a meal without having to get up and down, and the “party” part of the party can also proceed uninterrupted. Brides who want to focus on the cuisine because they know their meal is going to be particularly special – perhaps because the reception is at a famous restaurant – may want to delay the dancing until after the entree is served. This approach allows guests to savor the meal, as lovely music plays in the background, and eat the dinner while it is still hot.
One of the fundamentals of pacing the party well is the service. Have lots of it. A good wedding won’t be a great party if table service lags and some guests are left to stare hungrily at others who are already enjoying their meal. The rule of thumb is to provide one food server for every fourteen guests and one bartender for every fifty to sixty. At a cocktil buffet, four or five waiters for every one hundred guests is recommended. Smooth and consistent service is essential, because a bumpy meal will interfere with the emotional high points of the reception – the toasts, the dancing, the cake cuttin.
The type of service is also important. A buffet creates a less formal atmosphere and allows the guests to walk around and socialize during the reception. Another possibility is to have waiters serve the appetizers but to present the remainder of the meal buffet-style. A formal sit-down dinner, on the other hand, definitely calls for table service. The traditional style is French service, in which each part of the meal is served separately by a waiter, who makes up the diners’ plates individually at the table. But many brides consider this very strict and formal approach too stuffy. The fashionable alternative is “plated” service, in which the plates are prepared in the kitchen, then brought out by a team of waiters who serve an entire table at once.
The service staff should be as unobtrusive as possible, neatly dressed in proper attire. This should go without saying, but check with your caterer about how servers will be dressed if they are not the regular staff at a particular location. One bride who had a country wedding went so far as to provide khaki trousers and white linen shirts for the service staff so that their uniforms would signal to the guests that the wedding was intended to be relaxed, informal affair.
No matter how the meal is served, the key to the party’s success is good flow. This is ensured by the all-important concept of “layering,” meaning that guests proceed seamlessly and naturally from cocktails through the cake cutting without really noticing, even if they are moving from one room to another. If possible, serve cocktails in one location and the main meal in another. This underscores the importance of dining as part of the celebration, and emphasizes the impact of the decorations when the guests finally enter the tent or reception room. In any case, ample food and drinks should be provided each step of the way. At Paula Le Duc weddings, guests are offered champagne and strawberries before the ceremony, cocktails immediately after, then dinner, all without apparent pause. even on the dance floor after dinner, waiters pass miniature fruit shaped sorbets on toothpicks that guests can pop into their mouths without breaking stride. The entire wedding is an incredibly edible experience.
According to Charlie Palmer, New York restaurateur and caterer. “I like to think that the festive presentation of wedding food gives it a kind of thrill. The oohs and aahs from the guests make the party all the more fun.”
Cheers: The Cocktail Hour
ONCE THE COUPLE and their caterer or chef have arranged the meal, they typically turn to planning the cocktail hour – an hour that definitely generates a certain excitement, perhaps because in real life we never get to eat pretty, bite-size morsels one after another. This is also the first chance guests have to greet one another, and if they are not seated together during the reception it may be the only time they have to talk.
What makes a great cocktail hour?
•Lots of food. And it should all come out in full regalia. When it does , it’s a real crowd pleaser.
•Great food. By far the most sumptuous and exciting hors d’oeuvre is caviar. It’s expensive, elegant, luxurious and enjoyable. Blinis and toast are a great tradition; newer serving ideas include such tasty morsels as oversize waffle potato chips. And accompanying the caviar? A vodka bar, of course – with different varieties (olive, lemon, cranberry) served in shot glasses.
•Variety. Offer a broad choice of vegetarian, low-fat (asparagus for the skinny people) and high fat (it is a party, after all) hors d’ oeuvres, along with some surprises (miniature lamb chops or the new wraps, like soft tacos). Passed food is essential, but make sure it is easy to eat; rule out foods like bruschetta (the tomatoes always seem to fall off). It’s also good to have interesting food and drink bars. In New York, the hottest thing these days is martini bar. In the Midwest, mashed potatoes served in brandy glasses are the trend; guests sprinkle cheese, caviar or onions on top. Shrimp, according to all caterers, is the magic word. As for smoked salmon – it’s classic.
•Action. Guests loves to see chefs cooking up moo shu pork or preparing sushi. And it’s always great to have a few of the musicians from the dance band playing in the background, as long as the music doesn’t drown out conversation.
After-Dinner Delights
MANY PEOPLE HAVE an unspoken understanding that it is time to leave the wedding once the cake has been cut. If they go at that point, however, they might be missing some more fine food and drink. Weddings rarely end after the cake cutting anymore. Looking to extend the life of the party, many brides are complementing their meals with after-dinner delights. Some caterers add platters of toasted almonds, fresh pears, baguettes and snifters of vintage cognac. In Chicago the custom is to place candy – usually toffee – on the table during dessert. In New York, petits fours are the norm. For the wedding that ends in the wee hours of the morning, the old custom of sending guests home with the Sunday edition of The New York Times and a bag of bagels is very much back in style in New York. If you think the party is going to end late, send people off with doughnut holes and coffee in a cup printed with newlyweds names. Chocolates bearing the bride and groom’s initials are a very clever variation on the idea.
Once you have planned all those last touches, it is time to have same real fun. Schedule a tasting. This sampling of the wedding food, typically held a month before the wedding, is essential. It should include all the hors d’oeuvres that will be served, as well as wines and champagnes, along with the entire meal, except the cake. The tasting is the opportunity to ensure that the wedding meal has variety and is well conceived. This is the time to assess every single choice, especially the hors d’oeuvres. Will they drip? Will they be easy to eat? You will try to make sure the combination of cooking methods and foods is just right; you don’t want everything steamed, and you do want a mix of beef, sheese, chicken, fish and vegetarian offerings. To get a sense of the presentation, ask the caterer or restaurateur to lay out the china and linens and food so that you can see and taste everything just as it will be on the day of the wedding.
A welcome break from the stress of wedding planning, the tasting provides one other wonderful opportunity: It’s a treat for the bride and groom, who may be so caught up in the occasion that they never get the chance to savor their own meal on the actual wedding day.
Etiquette
There are always one or two – at larger weddings, sometimes a dozen. Wedding guests, that is, who turn up their noses at all the dining options. These days, good hospitality means accommodating the special eating habits of people on vegetarian, macrobiotic or other diets. At least two kinds of substitutes should be available. They might include plain steamed vegetables with orzo or a more substantial vegetable plate seasoned with herbs (either option would work for a guest who follows a kosher diet). You also may want to have simple fish and chicken dishes on hand. Salad and fruit plates appeal to most people.
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Reception is outdoors and comfortable seating for everyone. All guests should have a view of the ceremony, and drinks should be offered quickly afterward at the cocktail hour. That means several bars stationed at strategic points and ample champagne, along with wine and water passed on trays. When guests must travel from ceremony to reception site, greet them with a welcoming glass of champagne. Each course of the meal should be served promptly, and music should fill the night with no awkward silences when the bank takes a break. There should be virtually no moments when something, even something subtle, isn’t happening to ensure your guests’ pleasure.
THE CLUB HOTEL OR RESTAURANT WEDDING
CLUB, HOTELS and FINE restaurants have always been popular, and posh, sites for weddings. They are convenient because so many amenities are available under one roof: the space; the food and the beverages; the tables, chairs, glassware, flatware and linens; special lighting; the service staff; parking, and in the case of hotels, on-site (and often lovely) accommodations and a bridal suite. Country inns have most of the same features, but typically on a smaller scale. Country, yacht and university clubs also offer similar amenities, including catering and service staff, and often boast beautiful grounds. And though are well-suited to receptions, they are also good locations for secular and interfaith marriages and tend to have educated staffs amenable to the special needs cultural customs may dictate.
The Chicago Cultural is one of the city's most popular locations for reception.
HOTEL weddings in particular can be grand affairs, because many are set in ballrooms with rich historical connotations: None could have a more romantic atmosphere, for example, than the St. Regis ballroom, where F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald used to dance. Another more practical attribute of hotels and of hotels and of many clubs is that theirs staff includes a director of catering, who will act as a wedding planner within the confines of the location and is willing to meet with your florist, to help coordinate colors and to run tastings and rehearsals. The best hotels also follow current trends in cuisine and wine in order to provide the latest and most sophisticated service. Moreover, they offer valuable experience, partly because they are used to throwing the same party night after night. The seasoned maître d’ is thus an expert at ensuring that your party flows. There are considerations though. Older hotels, for example, were not always designed for quick and easy access, which can cost extra time and labor. Some hotels produce weddings only one way. But the best recognize that weddings are becoming increasingly extravagant, especially in decor, and are loosening up accordingly. If the staff is creative and flexible, they will set the tone for the party. They usually are willing to customize the space to your taste, to accommodate special lighting and power needs and to welcome decorations as long as the integrity of their ballrooms and other space is maintained. On-site catering directors will often agree to bring in alternate china and accoutrements , as well as to provide such extras monogrammed napkins and matchbooks (at extra cost, of course). And finally, hotel and restaurants weddings can offer a dividend unavailable anywhere else in the world, except at that very place: the signature of a famous chef. At the St. Regis, Christian Delouvrier’s highly praised restaurant, Lespinasse, sets the culinary.
THE TENT WEDDING
PERHAPS NOWHERE ELSE can a bride customize her wedding as much as in a tent. Rather like blank canvases that can be transformed into great works of art, tents come in a broad range of sizes, colors, styles and looks allowing you to “build” precisely the setting you desire, in whatever location you wish. A tent can be pitched anywhere: in a park or botanical garden, on the grounds of an inn, club, hotel or private estate or in the front yard of your own family home. Tents offer flexibility so you can have cocktails under one tent in the front yard, perhaps, then dinner under another in the back. Renting a tent means you can set your own pace for your wedding. And the setup can be used the following day for a post-wedding brunch. It is not necessary to know the inner workings of your wedding tent or tents, but it is useful to be aware of basics.
The bad news: Tent weddings are often the most expensive to produce because you must rent and supply everything, from fabric to filet mignon. Many brides dream of having a tent wedding in their backyard, but when they find out all the hidden cost this entails, they opt for a place that already has flooring, bathrooms, tables and chairs.
The good news: an enormous range of services and supplies are available to make a tent exactly what you want it to be. These include lights, generators, ground covering, dance floor, portable kitchen and cooking accoutrements, heat, air-conditioning and portable rest rooms. (No wonder the tent wedding is usually the most expensive to produce – and don’t forget to budget in labor costs of all these extras.)
There are various kinds of tents and canopies that will make a difference to a look, so it’s important to look at pictures or at the actual structures before choosing. Years ago, the only tents available for hire were white or striped. Today, you can also rent clear and black models. One of the most beautiful effects you can create is with a clear tent, which – best suited for a garden wedding on a gorgeous wedding – can be lit by pinlights in surrounding trees for magical results. Of course, you need the gorgeous evening, too. And that can’t be rented.
Tents themselves are not beautiful; the decoration and lighting transform them. Be prepared to bring in the flowers and perhaps even fabric for draping walls and ceiling. Palm Beach wedding planner S. Michael Ereshena covers every single inch of his tents, using fabric, shrubbery or lattice to conceal the exterior. The San Francisco events planner Stanlee Gatti once built a tent pergola covered with lemon leaves on a tennis court. Thirty thousand lemons hung from the ceiling, and a trompe l’oeil painting made the floor look like stone pavers with grass growing through.
Lemons notwithstanding, basic amenities are also necessary. Tents can be heated or air-conditioned and, yes, they are waterproof. Do, however, make sure the tent company provides a backup generator. The stoves, microphones, amplifiers, lights, heat or air all rely on having enough power. If one generator fails, the whole wedding could be ruined if there is no back up. Flooring is also essential; without it, high heels get stuck in the grass. You can also install temporary carpets or sisal rugs and even put down wood floors. For complete uniformity, carpets can be dyed – to match the bridesmaids’ dresses, flowers or even the ribbons in the flower girls’ hair.
And the weather? You just have to have nerves of steel .” says Renny Reynolds. This New York floral designer planned the only wedding ever held outdoors at Rockefeller Center, in a tent on the plaza. Plans called for only part of the area to be tented; the dance floor was uncovered. At five o’clock the clouds rolled in the air felt positively stormy. But at seven thirty, when the wedding was scheduled to start, they blew away again. “The night was so beautiful, and between the lights, the wonderful backdrop of Deco buildings and the famous Prometheus sculpture, we all got goose-bumps,” he adds.
Even if inclement weather is forecast, the day is unlikely to be a washout. Tents come fitted with flaps that can be instantly rolled up to let in fresh air and rolled down to keep out wind and rain. When fashion designer Eliza Reed Bolen got married in a tent at the Connecticut country house of her stepfather, Oscar de la Renta, the skies opened and rain fell steadily all afternoon. But gallant ushers escorted each guest to the tent under crisp white umbrellas, and the bride arrived standing up in a golf cart covered by an oversize umbrella. The afternoon picnic wedding went off without a hitch.
And keep in mind that in some cultures, rain on one`s wedding day signifies good luck to come in the form of fertility. The more torrential the rains, the more children in the couple`s future.
Creative Locations
Public spaces, such as New York's Museum of Natural History, provide an out-of-the ordinary wedding backdrop. There, couples can dance under a gigantic blue whale.
ONCE IN A WHILE, you hear about those adventurous couples who get married underwater or in midair, skydiving, with a white parachute as the only nod to convention (the white, that is). That`s not the norm. But it`s increasingly fashionable to hold weddings at aquariums, historic mansions and private estates and in the public reception rooms of museums. Such locations provide an interesting backdrop for the ceremony and reception and an extra dollop of pleasure for the guests, who may even get the chance to roam a museum after hours during the cocktail party. Among the many distinctive interiors favored by New York brides are the spectacular lobby of the New York Public Library and the delegates’ dining room at the United Nations. Settings ranging from botanical gardens to baseball fields offer equally intriguing outdoor options around the country.
There are caveats. At public and semi-public institutions in most cities, for instance, receptions are allowed but religious rites are forbidden,so the ceremony must be held elsewhere unless the couple is being married by the justice of the peace. Also, couples often have to jump through hoops to obtain permission to hold their wedding at a museum or like institution; knowing a member of the board of trustees is also helpful.
If you are interested in a particular place, but are uncertain whether that spot has ever hosted a wedding before, or would be willing to, call the public or community relations director at the institution to inquire. Sometimes, access to private or historic estates may be obtained by making a donation, as is the case at the Streisand Conservancy, a beautiful stretch of land in Malibu owned by Barbara Streisand. At the turn-of-the-century Pratt Mansion in Manhattan, the fee goes to the Marymount School, which runs an elementary school there. Winding Staircases and the view of the Metropolitan Museum of Art allow a bride to imagine she is a character in an Edith Wharton novel – for the small rental fee, plus the cost of the catering, in this case by the renowned Abigail Kirsch. That is the other restriction at such sites: It is often necessary to use the approved or resident.
GETTING THERE
YOUR CEREMONY IS in a church, your reception is in a private club across town. Why not make a trip in style? These days, couples who have two part weddings are shuttling their guests from place to place with a dash of personality. Cynthia Rowley’s Manhattan civil ceremony, conducted by Mayor Rudy Guiliani, took place at City Hall. When it concluded two yellow school buses where waiting to take her guests immediately to the Brooklyn reception. “We served champagne and chocolate kisses on board,” says Rowley
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Gold ring, although white gold and silver are options. How do you judge a value of a gold band? Generally by carat weight and appearance. As mentioned above the term carat does tell you something about purity when it’s applied to gold. the carat system designate how many parts of our 24 are pure gold in a given piece of jewelry. (Since gold is such a soft metal, it is sometimes blended with stronger metal.) therefore, a wedding band that is “18 carat gold” is three-quarters pure. While it may be tempting to choose “pure” gold, gold strengthened with another metal is much more durable. That is why jewelry made of 18-carat gold is generally more wear-resistant than that made of 24-carat gold.
The way the diamond (or any other stones) is placed on the band is known as the setting. Some rings are set high, meaning that more of the stone is exposed, away from the band; others are set low. Before you decide on a setting, consider the everyday treatment your ring will get. If you work with your hands or are often in an environment where you’re likely to knock your ring finger against something and scratch or dislodge the stone-architects, engineers, school-teachers, nurses and hair dressers beware – you might have your ring set low.
Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s only Best Friend
don’t feel that you’re restricted to diamonds for your engagement ring. Perhaps you’d prefer to wear a ring featuring your birthstone or a stone you’ve always loved. What about a ring that features some small cluster diamonds around a precious stone of another kind? You may also choose to design your own ring, and have it specially made just for you. Remember, whatever you decide, go with a reputable jeweler.
Bands on the Run
Not too long ago it was common for men to skip wearing wedding bands altogether. Today more and more husbands are wearing them. If your groom plans to wear a band, the two of you should plan on visiting jewelry store together. Some couples wear matching bands, other couples prefer that the bride pick the bands that suit her, and the groom does the same. Sometimes the bride buys her band as part of a matched set with her engagement ring; in any event the band you purchase should complement the engagement ring. (often women who don’t have an engagement ring prefer to purchase a diamond wedding band rather than a plain one.)
Many couples choose to have the inside of their bands engraved, usually with the date of the wedding and their future spouse’s name or initials. While etiquette dictates that you pay for the groom’s band and he pay for yours, the two of you should feel free to work out whatever arrangement you see fit.
Order your wedding bands three to six months before the wedding. This will give you plenty of time to make sure the rings are fitted properly.
Care and Cleaning
You’ve spent all the time and money on the perfect rings; you certainly don’t want to lose them down the drain or allow food crumbs or paint chips to become embedded in the setting. Below is the list of rind “Dos” and “Don’ts” to help you keep them clean, safe and out of the septic tank.
Don’t…..
? …put rings on the edge of the sink when you’re washing your hands or doing dishes; it’s it’s far too easy for them to fall down the drain. Given the large number of preventable ring “drownings” that occur, your best bet is to keep rings safely on fingers, not only around sinks, but also when you’re near on swimming pools, toilets or other dangerous bodies of water. Another hazard: rings can be soiled by chemical soaps and cleaners which linger in these vicinities.
? …expose your rings to harsh chemical soaps or cleansers, as staining may result. (other hazards include food, paint, and gold old dirt.)
? …wear your rings when doing laundry or heavy cleaning. Not only do you want the rings soiled by the detergents, but it’s doubtful your diamond would look the same after going through the rinse cycle.
? …wear your rings if your going to be doing heavy work that requires using your hands a lot, such as yard work. You may chip your diamond or knock the setting loose.
Do…..
? …have your rings checked at least once a year to make sure the settings are sturdy and to give them a good cleaning.
? …diamond ring in it’s own box or compartment. (Diamonds will scratch less durable stones.)
Should You Reuse Your Rings
if either you or your fiancé has been married before, don’t use the rings from that marriage in your new one. Wearing the rings that were part of a marriage to someone else is insensitive and in very poor taste.
What do you do with these old rings? Some choose to sell them to make a complete break with the past, but there are other options. Women may have their engagement ring reset and worn as regular jewelry. If there are children from the previous marriage, you may decide to put the rings aside for them.
Reception is outdoors and comfortable seating for everyone. All guests should have a view of the ceremony, and drinks should be offered quickly afterward at the cocktail hour. That means several bars stationed at strategic points and ample champagne, along with wine and water passed on trays. When guests must travel from ceremony to reception site, greet them with a welcoming glass of champagne. Each course of the meal should be served promptly, and music should fill the night with no awkward silences when the bank takes a break. There should be virtually no moments when something, even something subtle, isn’t happening to ensure your guests’ pleasure.
THE CLUB HOTEL OR RESTAURANT WEDDING
CLUB, HOTELS and FINE restaurants have always been popular, and posh, sites for weddings. They are convenient because so many amenities are available under one roof: the space; the food and the beverages; the tables, chairs, glassware, flatware and linens; special lighting; the service staff; parking, and in the case of hotels, on-site (and often lovely) accommodations and a bridal suite. Country inns have most of the same features, but typically on a smaller scale. Country, yacht and university clubs also offer similar amenities, including catering and service staff, and often boast beautiful grounds. And though are well-suited to receptions, they are also good locations for secular and interfaith marriages and tend to have educated staffs amenable to the special needs cultural customs may dictate.
- The Chicago Cultural is one of the city’s most popular locations for reception.
HOTEL weddings in particular can be grand affairs, because many are set in ballrooms with rich historical connotations: None could have a more romantic atmosphere, for example, than the St. Regis ballroom, where F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald used to dance. Another more practical attribute of hotels and of hotels and of many clubs is that theirs staff includes a director of catering, who will act as a wedding planner within the confines of the location and is willing to meet with your florist, to help coordinate colors and to run tastings and rehearsals. The best hotels also follow current trends in cuisine and wine in order to provide the latest and most sophisticated service. Moreover, they offer valuable experience, partly because they are used to throwing the same party night after night. The seasoned maître d’ is thus an expert at ensuring that your party flows. There are considerations though. Older hotels, for example, were not always designed for quick and easy access, which can cost extra time and labor. Some hotels produce weddings only one way. But the best recognize that weddings are becoming increasingly extravagant, especially in decor, and are loosening up accordingly. If the staff is creative and flexible, they will set the tone for the party. They usually are willing to customize the space to your taste, to accommodate special lighting and power needs and to welcome decorations as long as the integrity of their ballrooms and other space is maintained. On-site catering directors will often agree to bring in alternate china and accoutrements , as well as to provide such extras monogrammed napkins and matchbooks (at extra cost, of course). And finally, hotel and restaurants weddings can offer a dividend unavailable anywhere else in the world, except at that very place: the signature of a famous chef. At the St. Regis, Christian Delouvrier’s highly praised restaurant, Lespinasse, sets the culinary.
THE TENT WEDDING
PERHAPS NOWHERE ELSE can a bride customize her wedding as much as in a tent. Rather like blank canvases that can be transformed into great works of art, tents come in a broad range of sizes, colors, styles and looks allowing you to “build” precisely the setting you desire, in whatever location you wish. A tent can be pitched anywhere: in a park or botanical garden, on the grounds of an inn, club, hotel or private estate or in the front yard of your own family home. Tents offer flexibility so you can have cocktails under one tent in the front yard, perhaps, then dinner under another in the back. Renting a tent means you can set your own pace for your wedding. And the setup can be used the following day for a post-wedding brunch. It is not necessary to know the inner workings of your wedding tent or tents, but it is useful to be aware of basics.
The bad news: Tent weddings are often the most expensive to produce because you must rent and supply everything, from fabric to filet mignon. Many brides dream of having a tent wedding in their backyard, but when they find out all the hidden cost this entails, they opt for a place that already has flooring, bathrooms, tables and chairs.
The good news: an enormous range of services and supplies are available to make a tent exactly what you want it to be. These include lights, generators, ground covering, dance floor, portable kitchen and cooking accoutrements, heat, air-conditioning and portable rest rooms. (No wonder the tent wedding is usually the most expensive to produce – and don’t forget to budget in labor costs of all these extras.)
There are various kinds of tents and canopies that will make a difference to a look, so it’s important to look at pictures or at the actual structures before choosing. Years ago, the only tents available for hire were white or striped. Today, you can also rent clear and black models. One of the most beautiful effects you can create is with a clear tent, which – best suited for a garden wedding on a gorgeous wedding – can be lit by pinlights in surrounding trees for magical results. Of course, you need the gorgeous evening, too. And that can’t be rented.
Tents themselves are not beautiful; the decoration and lighting transform them. Be prepared to bring in the flowers and perhaps even fabric for draping walls and ceiling. Palm Beach wedding planner S. Michael Ereshena covers every single inch of his tents, using fabric, shrubbery or lattice to conceal the exterior. The San Francisco events planner Stanlee Gatti once built a tent pergola covered with lemon leaves on a tennis court. Thirty thousand lemons hung from the ceiling, and a trompe l’oeil painting made the floor look like stone pavers with grass growing through.
Lemons notwithstanding, basic amenities are also necessary. Tents can be heated or air-conditioned and, yes, they are waterproof. Do, however, make sure the tent company provides a backup generator. The stoves, microphones, amplifiers, lights, heat or air all rely on having enough power. If one generator fails, the whole wedding could be ruined if there is no back up. Flooring is also essential; without it, high heels get stuck in the grass. You can also install temporary carpets or sisal rugs and even put down wood floors. For complete uniformity, carpets can be dyed – to match the bridesmaids’ dresses, flowers or even the ribbons in the flower girls’ hair.
And the weather? You just have to have nerves of steel .” says Renny Reynolds. This New York floral designer planned the only wedding ever held outdoors at Rockefeller Center, in a tent on the plaza. Plans called for only part of the area to be tented; the dance floor was uncovered. At five o’clock the clouds rolled in the air felt positively stormy. But at seven thirty, when the wedding was scheduled to start, they blew away again. “The night was so beautiful, and between the lights, the wonderful backdrop of Deco buildings and the famous Prometheus sculpture, we all got goose-bumps,” he adds.
Even if inclement weather is forecast, the day is unlikely to be a washout. Tents come fitted with flaps that can be instantly rolled up to let in fresh air and rolled down to keep out wind and rain. When fashion designer Eliza Reed Bolen got married in a tent at the Connecticut country house of her stepfather, Oscar de la Renta, the skies opened and rain fell steadily all afternoon. But gallant ushers escorted each guest to the tent under crisp white umbrellas, and the bride arrived standing up in a golf cart covered by an oversize umbrella. The afternoon picnic wedding went off without a hitch.
And keep in mind that in some cultures, rain on one`s wedding day signifies good luck to come in the form of fertility. The more torrential the rains, the more children in the couple`s future.
Creative Locations
ONCE IN A WHILE, you hear about those adventurous couples who get married underwater or in midair, skydiving, with a white parachute as the only nod to convention (the white, that is). That`s not the norm. But it`s increasingly fashionable to hold weddings at aquariums, historic mansions and private estates and in the public reception rooms of museums. Such locations provide an interesting backdrop for the ceremony and reception and an extra dollop of pleasure for the guests, who may even get the chance to roam a museum after hours during the cocktail party. Among the many distinctive interiors favored by New York brides are the spectacular lobby of the New York Public Library and the delegates’ dining room at the United Nations. Settings ranging from botanical gardens to baseball fields offer equally intriguing outdoor options around the country.
There are caveats. At public and semi-public institutions in most cities, for instance, receptions are allowed but religious rites are forbidden,so the ceremony must be held elsewhere unless the couple is being married by the justice of the peace. Also, couples often have to jump through hoops to obtain permission to hold their wedding at a museum or like institution; knowing a member of the board of trustees is also helpful.
If you are interested in a particular place, but are uncertain whether that spot has ever hosted a wedding before, or would be willing to, call the public or community relations director at the institution to inquire. Sometimes, access to private or historic estates may be obtained by making a donation, as is the case at the Streisand Conservancy, a beautiful stretch of land in Malibu owned by Barbara Streisand. At the turn-of-the-century Pratt Mansion in Manhattan, the fee goes to the Marymount School, which runs an elementary school there. Winding Staircases and the view of the Metropolitan Museum of Art allow a bride to imagine she is a character in an Edith Wharton novel – for the small rental fee, plus the cost of the catering, in this case by the renowned Abigail Kirsch. That is the other restriction at such sites: It is often necessary to use the approved or resident.
GETTING THERE
YOUR CEREMONY IS in a church, your reception is in a private club across town. Why not make a trip in style? These days, couples who have two part weddings are shuttling their guests from place to place with a dash of personality. Cynthia Rowley’s Manhattan civil ceremony, conducted by Mayor Rudy Guiliani, took place at City Hall. When it concluded two yellow school buses where waiting to take her guests immediately to the Brooklyn reception. “We served champagne and chocolate kisses on board,” says Rowley, who actually hailed a cab with her husband, Bill Keenan, in order to share a few moments of privacy. Meanwhile, the guests were singing on the bus. Specially decorated shuttle buses can also do the job with flair. Or try something really different. Wedding planner Marcy Blum rents antique trolleys. They’re old fashioned and charming and they lend an elegant touch to a part of the wedding people normally don’t think about.
transporting guests in an original way makes even the moments between ceremony and reception noteworthy.
After Melissa Biggs, an editor at Town and Country, wed financier Michael Bradley at a Manhattan church, most of their guests walked the few blocks in the crisp November air to the reception at the University Club. But Biggs and Bradley rode in style – New York style. They rented an old checker New York taxicab – the kind you never see on the streets anymore – because the back seats was roomy enough for the bride’s dress. It was the consummate Manhattan wedding, taxi and all. There may be additional limitations (restricting food and drink to certain areas, for example) designed to protect art and other property and the grounds. Certain institutions also request an extra fee for security guards and put a time limit on the party. Building and fire codes may regulate your decor (also true in hotels and restaurants), and an important exhibition could preclude use of the premises altogether.
All the hoop jumping can be well worth it, however. For one couple who held their reception at New York’s American Craft Museum, the setting couldn’t have been more perfect. The groom is an investment banker who paints as a hobby, and the bride was a graduate student in art therapy. In lieu of a table number, the guests’ escort cards bore the name of a famous artist, and at the corresponding tables, a postcard of one of his or her famous painting was set among the flowers. Guests had the run of the museum that night and enjoyed a beautiful glass exhibit. The only restrictions: no potted plants and no candles. “We dimmed the lights,” the bride recalls “and made do.”
The Destination Wedding
A DESTINATION WEDDING can be exotic, extravagant and a vacation for the couple and their guests. For many, holding a wedding in a European country, on a Caribbean island or at a chic ski resort is a way of maneuvering parents into hosting a more intimate affair than a traditional country club or hotel wedding. Accommodations tend to be more limited and travelling is an expense, so the guest list is typically limited to the people who are closest to the couple and likely to make the trip. This can also make the wedding more meaningful.
Gondoliers paddled sisters and bride-to-be Jennifer and Neena Beber to a countries old Venetian synagogue for their double wedding ceremony
The atmosphere and scenery of a destination setting lend a special character to the wedding. Peter Helburn, an Aspen wedding consultant, says couples are attracted to the Colorado resort precisely because they really want the “Aspen feel.” They’re not trying to create Los Angeles or New York in the Rockies. They want local flora, such as wildflowers, gerbera daisies, sweet peas and hydrangeas. The menu often include game or trout.
“I love the concept of escape. For just a few hours in a bride and groom’s night, they can be transported by virtue of the place they’ve chosen for their wedding.”
-STANLEE GATTI- San Francisco special events designer
Atmosphere is great, but what about the basics? Destination weddings require a focused strategy.Because of the distance involved, couples must usually turn over most of the planning to a wedding consultant or on-site coordinator, because the bride simply can’t be in two places at one time. The consultant will meet with the bride a few times prior to the wedding, getting approval with colors and seating arrangements via phone, fax, mail, express service or email. At almost any destination, the couple should be prepared for numerous calls and faxes back and forth during the planning stages and at least two trips to the location prior to the wedding.
A couple should also consider everything the destination does or does not offer before sending out invitations. Are there appropriate places for the ceremony and reception? Good sources for foods and flowers? Will language barriers ma be a problem? Because most destination weddings last through a weekend, be sure that guests have enough to do (pre- and post-wedding hikes, perhaps, or golf or horseback riding). Helping guests with travel plans and lodging and providing meals for them are other important considerations.
One New York couple who married at the Vatican faced their own particular challenges when planning their wedding across the Atlantic Ocean. Though the bride and her Italian-born fiancé made several tips to Rome, they still had to rely on local family and friends for the planning. Faxes went out to a priest every Saturday night, but the Italian side was so laid back the couple never really knew where they stood until a few weeks before the wedding. Language was another barrier. Before the bride took an intensive course in Italian, her fiancé had to do most of the talking. But the anxiety was worth it. Walking out of the Vatican in her Vera Wang princess dress, she felt “as if I were in the movies,” she recalls.
ETIQUETTE
Out-of-town weddings can be a costly expenditure for the guests. To help them plan, include a separate card sent with, or immediately following, the wedding invitation, listing a variety of recommended hotels in every price range. Etiquette dictates that the couple and/or their families provide a welcome dinner for the out-of-town guests. The rehearsal dinner traditionally hosted by the grooms family, usually serves this purpose, but if all out-of-town guests are not invited, cocktails and dinner should be offered at a separate location. When guests are staying at the hotel where an evening wedding is to take place, a hospitality suite offering coffee, juices and simple sandwiches during the day should also be available, if possible. Holding a brunch or lunch for guests at a nearby home is appropriate alternative.
- Summer and Brooks (right). Guests were treated to the stunning view of the Golden Gate Bridge at night (below).
Wedding Style: Island Ingenuity
THE WEDDING OF Summer Tompkins, an accessories designer, to Brooks Walker III, an architect, was a spectacular autumn event likely to be talked about for years by the six hundred fifty guests who attended. For one thing the affair, designed by Stanlee Gatti, was the first to take place on Treasure Island, a former naval base only recently decommissioned and located a mile off the San Francisco coast.
- every last morsel of the delectable wedding feast was prepared by Paula De Luc Catering in San Francisco
For another, Gatti, known for creative solutions, built a little “wedding town” spread over most of the island, with separate sites for the ceremony, cocktails and reception. To create an appropriate spot for the rites, he transformed a former forty-thousand-square-foot parking lot by ripping out the pavement and adding sod, cypress trees and a gazebo. Reached by shuttle buses, the next destination was the reception pavilion, approached by a redwood path winding through a newly created pumpkin patch. From an outdoor cocktail platform furnished with sisal carpeting and wrought-iron furniture, guests proceed down a series of steps to a multi-level tent boasting fourteen-foot-high walls. The tent was draped with chocolate colored velvet to complement the harvest theme. “It looked like the most beautiful restaurant you’ve ever seen,” recalls the bride. As fireworks set off from floating barges signaled the the dinner hour, tent flaps were drawn up in a grand ceremonial gesture to offer the first full view of the take-your-breath-away interiors – just as the orchestra started playing. It was, says Gatti, a great dramatic moment.
- Floral decorators Stanlee Gatti drape the walls of Tompkins’ tent in chocolate brown velvet giving the space a sumptuous autumnal feel appropriate for an October wedding.
Wedding Style: Antipasto in Aspen
WHEN MONA LOOK can’t find her husband, Tony Mazza, in their sprawling Tuscan-style home, he inevitably turns up in their three-thousand-bottle wine cellar. Mazza, a well-known Colorado real estate developer, is also a wine aficionado who has always loved fine food and drink. His home was designed to ensure the enjoyment of both(state-of-the-art kitchen, plus the cellar). His courtship of Look revolved around them. So naturally, when planning the reception, Mazza, who is Italian, wanted to throw a family-style wedding feast.
Or put another way, a “food extravaganza.” That is precisely what Tony Mazza asked of the couple’s wedding planner Peter Helburn, of Just Ask Peter in Aspen. While the bride concentrated on the guest list and her dress, Mazza and Helburn set out to plan the menu. “I don’t usually work with grooms,” Helburn says, “but unlike most of my brides, Tony knew exactly what he wanted.” He wanted the popular Italian restaurant Campo di Fiori to prepare the wedding meal. Even though the chefs there don’t normally cater private parties, they made an exception – Mazza just happens to own the building that houses the Aspen restaurant.
- to give the feel of the feast to come, tables (left and opposite) were set with food and wine already on them. The bride and groom (above) at Elk Mountain Lodge.
True to great Italian tradition, preparing such a feast meant emphasizing quantity – without, of course sacrificing quality. Thus when guests arrived at the Elk Mountain Lodge for the ceremony, they were surprised to be greeted by the groom, presiding over s room filled with antipasto tables heaped with figs, marinated vegetables, Italian meats and cheeses. Although this abundant pre-ceremony fare might have been enough to satiate any appetite, it was only the beginning. At the reception, during cocktails, trays of bruschetta, grilled shrimp and other hors d’oeuvres were passed. The meal was served family-style, with waiters bringing heaping platters of food to each table. The feast continued with bowls of olives, followed by salad, followed by three kinds of pasta (porcini risotto, penne with vegetables and meat-filled tortellini), followed by a choice of roasted rack of lamb or bakes sea baa, dessert was tiramisu wedding cake decorated with grapes (of course) made of marzipan. And there was more: biscotti and chocolate-covered strawberries to add a delectable finish. All the evening’s many wines were selected from Mazza’s personal collection. And even the centerpieces fit the theme: sumptuous baskets of freshly baked breads, olive oil, herbs, and, with a nod to tradition, flowers.
“I love the concept of escape. For just a few hours in a bride and groom’s night, they can be transported by virtue of the place they’ve chosen for their wedding.”
-STANLEE GATTI San Francisco special events designer
Atmosphere is great, but what about the basics? Destination weddings require a focused strategy.Because of the distance involved, couples must usually turn over most of the planning to a wedding consultant or on-site coordinator, because the bride simply can’t be in two places at one time. The consultant will meet with the bride a few times prior to the wedding, getting approval with colors and seating arrangements via phone, fax, mail, express service or email. At almost any destination, the couple should be prepared for numerous calls and faxes back and forth during the planning stages and at least two trips to the location prior to the wedding.
A couple should also consider everything the destination does or does not offer before sending out invitations. Are there appropriate places for the ceremony and reception? Good sources for foods and flowers? Will language barriers ma be a problem? Because most destination weddings last through a weekend, be sure that guests have enough to do (pre- and post-wedding hikes, perhaps, or golf or horseback riding). Helping guests with travel plans and lodging and providing meals for them are other important considerations.
One New York couple who married at the Vatican faced their own particular challenges when planning their wedding across the Atlantic Ocean. Though the bride and her Italian-born fiancé made several tips to Rome, they still had to rely on local family and friends for the planning. Faxes went out to a priest every Saturday night, but the Italian side was so laid back the couple never really knew where they stood until a few weeks before the wedding. Language was another barrier. Before the bride took an intensive course in Italian, her fiancé had to do most of the talking. But the anxiety was worth it. Walking out of the Vatican in her Vera Wang princess dress, she felt “as if I were in the movies,” she recalls.
ETIQUETTE
Out-of-town weddings can be a costly expenditure for the guests. To help them plan, include a separate card sent with, or immediately following, the wedding invitation, listing a variety of recommended hotels in every price range. Etiquette dictates that the couple and/or their families provide a welcome dinner for the out-of-town guests. The rehearsal dinner traditionally hosted by the grooms family, usually serves this purpose, but if all out-of-town guests are not invited, cocktails and dinner should be offered at a separate location. When guests are staying at the hotel where an evening wedding is to take place, a hospitality suite offering coffee, juices and simple sandwiches during the day should also be available, if possible. Holding a brunch or lunch for guests at a nearby home is appropriate alternative.
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